Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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