So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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