so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
