i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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