I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.