My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!