it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize