I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
