I bet he comes in French.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
