Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
