Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
