At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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