Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
