dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
