ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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