we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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