The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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