guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
