I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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