take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
