I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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