I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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