Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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