Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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