come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
