I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.