Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini