You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?