and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes