All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.