well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours