something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
