I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
