Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
