Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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