Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We need to get me chipped asap
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
