im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
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Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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