you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
