I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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