Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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