lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
