You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
