I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize