you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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