Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
