the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
