Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
