im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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