The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
