someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
