Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
