We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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