dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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