how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
