Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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