They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
