there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
