took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
