I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
