If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
