My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
