Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
