I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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